A Retrospective Look Back at the Life and Times of Daniel Patrick Bynum: Part II
Part II: The Prestige
Daniel and Chris hit Abilene with the force of a Raptor in heat. (Aside: I’ve never actually encountered a Raptor in heat, but I assume it would be quite a fearsome thing to run across. That’s why I used it as an analogy. I figured that would really get the point across. Should you ever encounter a raptor in heat, take a picture, draw a picture, paint a picture, and then call 325.674.2300. Ask for Garrett Winder’s dead aunt. At this point you’ll be redirected to an operator in Bratislava. She’s going to have a really strong accent and is going to mention the Nuremburg Trials a lot, but don’t let it bother you, she’s just venting. Her second cousin was tried there. Her name is Anastasiya. Be kind, she really is a sweet lady. She’ll transfer you to Garrett. Tell Garrett what you saw and send him the picture/drawing/painting. He’ll tell me. I’ll thank you. It’ll be a gas. Then proceed to the nearest drug store. Ask for Hydrocodeine. You’ve just seen a raptor dude, you’re gonna need something...). They eventually sold the rights to Domino’s to a local man named David Pittman, the only black white man in Abilene at that time. With the proceeds from their sale they embarked upon a grand quest to harness the power of wind. Too many it seemed boring, and they were right. Jew Coggin was convinced that the saggy skin of a Bulgarian Yak would catch the power of wind like a sail. So, he bought a yak, put it on a boat and hoped for the best. Unfortunately, the only thing that caught the wind on the gusty day was Coggin’s Jew Fro. He flew for 11 miles. It was a glorious occasion. Coggin had created flight. Human flight. No planes. No wings. Not necessary. Coggin flew using only his pure Jewness. However, this was nothing compared to what Daniel would do only two days later.
Daniel had no use for flight. He could teleport. In fact he once teleported in on Nelson Mandela and Jody Foster. It was a weird experience. Something he hasn’t forgotten to this day. Flesh. Black. White. Somewhat Greasy. But this is beside the point. The point is this: Daniel was about to do something no other man has done before or since. A feat that is no less than incredible. Danger that is no doubt undeniable. And for a cause that was obviously questionable…
Posted by Bradley on 05/26 at 04:42 PM
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